For many nights after, I laid in bed with tears streaming down my face and cried out: “God, this hurts. My heart is broken. I can’t do this on my own. I need your strength.”
I remember calling my parents immediately after he left. Thru the sobs, I choked out, “Mom, I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t know how I’m going to function.” With emotion in her voice, she replied, “Sweetie, I know, but you don’t have to. Lean into Jesus. He will carry you.”
My heart was broken, but I was not.
Between Christmas Day and Valentine’s Day, my social feeds explode with news of recent engagements. This year was no different. Two days after Christmas, my college best friend called to tell me that she is engaged! We squealed and talked and stared at the new sparkling diamond on her left hand. I couldn’t be happier for her and her fiancé. And I’m beyond thrilled to help her plan her wedding.
But, as I reflected on her exciting news that evening, a small twinge of sadness settled over me. A tiny voice in my head whispered the same question asked a thousand times before, “When will it be my turn?” with still no answer. I didn’t want to feel this way. After all, I should be elated, right? My friend is getting married! But still...that feeling of something akin to hopelessness lingers. This time of year is one of the hardest for singles. Family gatherings, happy couples, and the question, “so...any guy in your life?” that serves as the ever-present reminder of my single state.
I struggle. I bleed red. I don't have it all together. I fail daily. I don't trust like I should. I'm impatient. I push my plan and forget to pray. But at the end of the day, I can rest knowing I serve a forgiving God and the fate of my life rests in the hands of a loving, all knowing, patient, sovereign Heavenly Father to whom nothing ever "occurs."...I will make it through because He carries me.
When something seemingly “perfect” crosses my path, be it a perfect job, a perfect guy, a perfect opportunity, a perfect situation, I eagerly place all my “eggs” in that basket: my hope, my happiness, and my heart. The three H’s.
The problem with that? When that “perfect” is no longer mine, when it is snatched out of my control, I lose it. My hope vanishes, my happiness fades, and my heart aches. I literally become an emotional wreck. The tears flow freely and the thoughts run rampant.
Beautiful Mess....The Lord still obviously has a lot of work yet to do on me. I’m a hot mess. But gratefully, the Lord takes my mess, full of foolishness, faithlessness, and frustration, and turns it into something beautiful. I am His beautiful mess.
Once I moved past the pity parties and the “seriously?!” thoughts, I opened my eyes to the lessons the Lord intended this injury to teach me. And I wasn’t disappointed.
While I'm in the middle of the series, "You'll Be Glad You Did," I felt the Lord leading me to be transparent this evening and share what I have held inside for a while. I hope that this post can minister to you if you are facing a similar situation, if only to let you … Continue reading Facing the Unknown
"Don't be as concerned about the destination, as what God is doing in you in the journey." Last Sunday, the TRBC college pastor kicked off a new series in the college group titled, "You'll Be Glad You Did." The first message? Simply, choices matter. Every day, every person, everywhere faces choices, some bigger than others. A … Continue reading You’ll Be Glad You Did: Choices Matter
"We often say God is never late, but generally He isn't early either. Why? Because He uses times of waiting to stretch our faith in Him and to bring about change and growth in our lives," says Joyce Meyer. Close to a year ago, in the midst of a spiritual battle, I came across her article … Continue reading Never late, rarely early, always on time
Today was the day. Our online classes for this first 8-weeks of the spring term (referred to as B-term) were posted and available for students to access. Some students take this as an opportunity to get ahead in the course. Others don't even log in to Blackboard until a week into the course. I'm in … Continue reading All of life is about scaling cliffs…