Have you been through the wringer and been left spiritually dry? Has the chaos of life drained you of all your emotional reserves? Have you become immune to the amazing grace and undeserved mercy displayed at Calvary? Have the awe of the Resurrection and the majesty of Christ faded away? If so, you’re not alone. Me too. 🙋♀️
For many nights after, I laid in bed with tears streaming down my face and cried out: “God, this hurts. My heart is broken. I can’t do this on my own. I need your strength.” I remember calling my parents immediately after he left. Thru the sobs, I choked out, “Mom, I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t know how I’m going to function.” With emotion in her voice, she replied, “Sweetie, I know, but you don’t have to. Lean into Jesus. He will carry you.” TRUTH. My heart was broken, but I was not.
Between Christmas Day and Valentine’s Day, my social feeds explode with news of recent engagements. This year was no different. Two days after Christmas, my college best friend called to tell me that she is engaged! We squealed and talked and stared at the new sparkling diamond on her left hand. I couldn’t be happier for her and her fiancé. And I’m beyond thrilled to help her plan her wedding. But, as I reflected on her exciting news that evening, a small twinge of sadness settled over me. A tiny voice in my head whispered the same question asked a thousand times before, “When will it be my turn?” with still no answer. I didn’t want to feel this way. After all, I should be elated, right? My friend is getting married! But still...that feeling of something akin to hopelessness lingers. This time of year is one of the hardest for singles. Family gatherings, happy couples, and the question, “so...any guy in your life?” that serves as the ever-present reminder of my single state.
I struggle. I bleed red. I don't have it all together. I fail daily. I don't trust like I should. I'm impatient. I push my plan and forget to pray. But at the end of the day, I can rest knowing I serve a forgiving God and the fate of my life rests in the hands of a loving, all knowing, patient, sovereign Heavenly Father to whom nothing ever "occurs."...I will make it through because He carries me.
When something seemingly “perfect” crosses my path, be it a perfect job, a perfect guy, a perfect opportunity, a perfect situation, I eagerly place all my “eggs” in that basket: my hope, my happiness, and my heart. The three H’s. The problem with that? When that “perfect” is no longer mine, when it is snatched out of my control, I lose it. My hope vanishes, my happiness fades, and my heart aches. I literally become an emotional wreck. The tears flow freely and the thoughts run rampant.
Beautiful Mess....The Lord still obviously has a lot of work yet to do on me. I’m a hot mess. But gratefully, the Lord takes my mess, full of foolishness, faithlessness, and frustration, and turns it into something beautiful. I am His beautiful mess.
We are just a brunette and a blonde with an unbreakable bond. IMG_8996
Once I moved past the pity parties and the “seriously?!” thoughts, I opened my eyes to the lessons the Lord intended this injury to teach me. And I wasn’t disappointed.
Using the phrase of Elizabeth Bennet from Pride & Prejudice, I haven't been 'completely, incandescently happy' for a while now. You know, that bubbly feeling inside you that keeps a smile plastered on your face and puts a spring in your step? When everything seems to be falling into place, your career is progressing, and you know … Continue reading The Start of Something New
While I'm in the middle of the series, "You'll Be Glad You Did," I felt the Lord leading me to be transparent this evening and share what I have held inside for a while. I hope that this post can minister to you if you are facing a similar situation, if only to let you … Continue reading Facing the Unknown