While I’m in the middle of the series, “You’ll Be Glad You Did,” I felt the Lord leading me to be transparent this evening and share what I have held inside for a while. I hope that this post can minister to you if you are facing a similar situation, if only to let you know that you are not alone.
In 1 Samuel 3:9, the Lord speaks to a sleeping Samuel, calling out his name. Samuel replies, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.” Do you ever feel like Samuel, constantly crying out, “Speak Lord”? You just want one detail, a small glimpse into the future? You are facing the unknown and that frightens you? Well, I do. In fact, that perfectly describes every day of my life for the past two months. All throughout each day, I pray for the Lord to reveal the next step. Many evenings end with me crying out to the Lord to SPEAK…something…anything! I just want, desire, need clarity in my life! Right now, it feels as though I am simply going through the motions, walking around aimlessly with no clear direction.
I feel like my life mirrors these footprints in the sand, going every which way but not really going anywhere. I continue applying for jobs, attending interviews, doing my homework and trying to plan for the future, but I don’t even know what that future is. I had an interview this past week for a job that seems right up my alley, but even then, I’m not sure if it is the ‘God-fit’, to quote my daddy. My prayer is that if it is not the right job, that the Lord closes that door with crystal clarity.
As many of you know, I’m a planner. Big time! And I’ll be honest, it is frustrating not knowing the next step and not being able to plan. That’s just the plain and simple truth. I know what the Bible says about “not worrying about tomorrow” and trusting in God’s timing. I get those good-intention ‘speeches’ all the time. And don’t get me wrong, they are great truths to be reminded of, but sometimes you just want someone to empathize with you. Waiting? It sucks. Being patient? It’s hard. Trusting in God’s timing? It’s a battle of the minds…for me at least. It’s like my mind is in constant battle with itself: one half (the sensible half) speaking truth and reminding me that God is sovereign and the other half (the planner half) worrying and yes, slightly freaking out, at the ‘not knowing’.
I hate the ‘waiting’ game. There. I said it. It is the worst game ever invented. Not fun. At. All. If I could possess a superpower, it would be the ability to travel through time. Then I could avoid all the worrying about the future because I would already know.
If you are reading this and are in the same situation as me, I’m not going to reiterate what you have already heard. But know this: I do empathize. I do understand. I do agree. This part of growing up and living life sucks.
So while I feel like I live each day, looking through lens that are 2x too strong resulting in blurred vision, I do know this. God is faithful and I am not in this alone. Because of my relationship with the Lord, I am able to go to Him in prayer and He hears me. John 15:7 says, “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.”
The final thought I will leave you with is Paul’s encouragement in Philippians 4:6-7 (and my life verse):
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and supplication, present your requests to God. And the PEACE that passes all understanding with guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.”
This is my prayer:
Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders; let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior. ~Hillsong United
I’m in between. Held in the balance. In limbo. Facing the unknown. But guess what? Keep your fork, cause the best is yet to come. ~God. [For those unfamiliar with the “Keep Your Fork” poem, you can read it here.]
a diamond in between 
Madison, this resonates with so many young people I know right now. God must have something for each if you. I know that doesn’t help you know what to do right NOW, though. I have seen some abandon God’s plan A and accept the world’s system, but with leanness. Your patience will be rewarded. God is perfectly faithful. Quiet your soul like a weaned child in His living presence. Do damage to the kingdom of darkness by your obedience and submission.
Ok, Maddie, I won’t remind you of things you already know, like Jesus and the years and years of waiting to enter his ministry that was so brief. I won’t mention that, or the ‘Wait upon the Lord” type reminders like what Joseph went through before…oh, well you know the end of that one, or even Esther…who was the right person at the right time and who evidently had to have prepared herself even though she couldn’t have known the position she would have. Not going to even mention those…but am going to tell you that just because you have achieved so much in such a relatively short time in your young life, and just because you are such a wondrous example in all you do, doesn’t mean He’s not through teaching/training/ bringing you to a point where then it will be “for such a time as this.” And you don’t want to know the future. Trust me on that one, and if you want to know why, then we’ll talk! We’re all so prejudiced…we admit it. But that doesn’t mean you’re not what we think you are…an amazingly gifted and dedicated young woman. We do understand your angst…mostly because we know and love you. But, just because you are so driven doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a parking spot now and then. Blessings Sweetheart.
Just read your mom’s blog sending me here, your post is so very encouraging..even decades older than you, I still haven’t learned these lessons all that well as ambition has a way of drowning out God’s plan. As I go through some big transitions now, I need to be reminded over and over again. Congrats both on your honesty and crying out, and mostly, from your recent blessings with new job offers! God always gives more than we hoped for!!
How beautifully you have depicted my situation Sister.! that too along with my favorite song’s lyrics.. Amen
I hope you seriously keep writing! Your words, I feel, God is using x
Love this.