My plan has ended

The past 24 hours saw two close friends reunited after six months of not seeing each other at all and several years of only short, intermittent coffee dates together at Hastings. So a catch-up session was long overdue for Maddie Gee and Hannah Beckerdite. The most recent topic of conversation: post-graduation plans.

When Hannah asked me about my plans now that I have graduated college, I shrugged my shoulders and told her, “I don’t know. My plan has ended.” And she laughed in agreement, because it is so true.

For as long as either of us can remember, our primary objective, our greatest desire, our ultimate plan in life was to graduate college. When we graduated high school together, we had a plan. We planned to attend the college of our choice, major in something we love, and do it in under three years. Two and a half years later, we’ve achieved that objective, satisfied that desire and completed that plan and now, we sit around asking the question, “What’s next?”

Graduate school seems to be on the horizon for both of us, yet even that’s not a certainty. We’re not sure what’s next for both of us. Though engaged Hannah has plenty of wedding planning and graduate school applications to keep her busy in the next several months, after that, her future is unclear. Same for me (except the engaged part :)….Though currently enrolled in nine hours of graduate courses in the spring,  the next step is unknown, let alone the distant future.

I’m an open book. Facing the unknowns. Walking by faith. Living the in-between. Wondering which path to take, which direction to go. And ya know what? I can honestly say, I’m not worried. Sure I wonder and I would like to know the future. I would love to have an answer to the frequently asked question, “What are your plans?” But if the past 2 ½ years have taught me anything, it’s that worrying doesn’t help the situation; it only aggravates it. Life will go on with or without me knowing the future. The world won’t stop if I don’t have a plan. God has proven his faithfulness time and time again to provide for my needs. He will always reveal the next step in His perfect timing. So for now, I’m just putting one foot in front of the other, waiting for the Lord to reveal the next step in the journey. Who am I to worry?

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” (Matthew 6:25-27)

But, I’m not perfect and neither are my best-laid attempts at not worrying. Whenever I lose sight of God’s faithfulness and start to worry about what’s next and play the “if-then/what if” game, I’m slapping God in the face, telling him that his promises aren’t good enough and his timing isn’t quick enough. Ouch! No wonder God keeps dropping the “patience” lesson in my lap over and over again. When it comes to that lesson, I’m like Dory from Finding Nemo…suffering from short-term memory loss.

“I am still confident I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:13-14)

So. My plan has ended. What’s next for me in 2014? I don’t know. But whatever it is, I am sure of this: with the Lord as the engineer, it will be an exciting adventure full of twists and turns I didn’t expect and full of blessings I could never have planned. As has recently become a life mantra of mine in the face of the unexpected, I think and sometimes voice aloud, “Just keeping life interesting.”

Goodnight, y’all! Keep life interesting!

Above: A collage I made of my  situation Scriptures (those scriptures that apply to my current situation)- used as the background on my different devices to be a constant reminder of my need to rely upon The Lord and trust Him.

Verses worth remembering:

“Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.” (Hebrews 10:35-36)

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace that passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

“Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:34)